– “Do not take anything from anyone.”
– “Do not follow anyone.”
– “Afolashade Adunni, you are precious and beautiful.”
– “Be bold, Morenikeji.”
– “Speak up, say when you are not comfortable with something.” (If only she knew how hard that was.)
– “Do not have a boyfriend, you are too young for that.” ( Yes, she is my mom.)
– “Afolashade Adunni, shey alaafia lo wa? (Are you doing well?)”
– “My daughter, do not cut your hair. It compliments your beauty.” ( If not, I would have been bald.)
– “Morenikeji, you are destined for greatness”.
– “Dress up, step on their necks.” amongst other things.
– “Afolashade Adunni, shey o ni se masters?”(Will you not study for Masters? )(Mom please!) ( I am just trying to graduate from the University.)”
– “Afolashade Adunni, I promise I will be alive for you to take good care of me.”
These are words amongst other words I heard and listened to while growing up and even till now. Some I had to listen to over the phone, and some I had to sit and listen to in person. It was more like I had to prep myself for something that was going to happen soon. It was like I had my soul in my body, but I was living someone else’s life.
“Crazy”.
I did not question anything, as far as I was concerned, if I did as I was told, I would be safe. Not until things started to pan out differently and I started to panic. I was confused and tired. I grew up trying to fit into all of these rules and tried so hard to abide by them, but as time went on, these simple yet hard rules became difficult to live with or let’s say abide by.
“Whew!”
Growing up, I have had to let these words ring in my ears and the fact that I might maybe disappoint this woman scares the lot out of me. I try my best to abide by these rules and words but lately, I have started questioning them. I mean what would happen if I don’t do what you say? What could possibly go wrong if I do not listen to your words? It cannot be that bad right?
I am starting to question a lot of things and now, instead of saying “okay ma” I say things like, “why?”. I say things like, “what would happen if I don’t do that mommy?” I say things like “why do I have to do masters?” I begin to ask, “is this masters degree for you? or for me?”
My mother said all these things, based on how she was brought up and what she was taught. My mother taught me literally how she knew best and expected no questions or interruptions in return. She would say things and expect them to be final.
Lately, I have been questioning her, and she has been dumbfounded and taken aback a lot. But trust me, there were no answers to back up those rules or questions when I ask them. Instead, they become rhetorical questions.
“How ironic, I might even consider that even funny.”
I would tell my unborn what not to do, and the consequences, the repercussion of what could happen if those things are mishandled or not properly attended to. I want to lay down these words but with adept meaning and reasons. Not that I make the rules and you must follow. If you have an opposition to my thoughts, table it, and let’s discuss. If it is reasonable, the rules can bend.
My mother said these things because she wanted me to have a bright future and live well. I appreciate my mother so much and I wouldn’t do anything that would hurt her.
But we as children grow into adults and begin to make decisions and take control of our lives. You may have been in this position due to one thing or the other, where your parents, might have had your life planned out for you with “dos and donts”. But you will outgrow them. These are phases in our lives we have to overcome.
I would make mistakes while trying to figure this out, but I will just sit, relax and get an in-depth knowledge of what is going on, before acting out, everything my mother said is very important, but I have to take this next step and phase myself. I love my mother more than life itself and that’s a fact.
Thanks, mom. 🍃
‘Much Love,
ShadeOdebiyi ✍🏾🤍
From My Heart- MORENIKEJI A. ODEBIYI
Shade Odebiyi's Creatives. 
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