I want to air my thoughts. By the time you read to the end of this article, I hope it makes sense to your understanding. Because right now, I do not know what this is about.
Time to time, I express myself, but there is a lot of holding back and mincing of words. Trying to avoid raw words.Blocking you from having full knowledge of who I am, or potential of who I might become.
Angry? Broken? Confusion mostly. I figured a few days ago that I signed up for this, the moment I chose the pen career. Such a sly move!
I want to say so much, but I can’t. It just doesn’t happen. That way, I keep to myself and I have grown to accept that fate over the years. Even when I am right. Having those conversations and playing the part of the other in my head, so I do not face their outburst or confrontation Maybe I was wrong.
Taking into consideration what you might be going through, do you ever get tired? More like when or how do I turn it off? Do you keep giving and giving emotions in different format but nothing works, and you just want to stop, but then you remember, “I don’t have time”?
This is so random there’s no point to it, I know that’s what you’re thinking at the moment. Or what am I reading?
Even now, I am still mincing my words, restricting myself from saying what I want to say to you, because I’m scared.Its tight and sometimes I wish we never met. I don’t curse that day, but I wish we did not happen. And you, and you. Even you aren’t left out. It’s sad.
I feel so lonely. I can actually feel that I am alone. There’s no one to talk to, have the late night conversations with and invest in me. There’s no one rooting for me. Not anyone, interested in my outcome, mistakes and progress.
I want one.I need one. I also want to feel seen. I want to also be at the top of your mind. I’m not pushing myself into anywhere or anyone’s life.I am staying where I am valued. And that is by myself. In my myself.
I hope I heal. I hope I figure it out. All these incessant crying isn’t helping. I cannot even listen to soulful music in peace. I cannot even hold up memories without shedding a tear. I cannot even sit by myself. I am always feeling some type of way. Too emotional. It feels as though I am programmed that way.
Nothing works, at least for me. I just want to be by myself, and that results in tears again. But I am fine, aren’t I? Let’s do this Shade, you’re a prodigy.
Act like one. I don’t know if this article made sense to you. Because I am still trying to figure it out. Thank you for reading and have a good one. 🫂
FROM MY PEN: MORENIKEJI A. ODEBIYI
Shade Odebiyi's Creatives. 
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